It was a very dark semester for me. As soon as darkness set in, my body failed. I could not feel my feet, all my joints, all my fingers, my hands…everywhere.
I was from choir when I realized all was not well. I slowly walked back to the hostels and people saw me walking slowly and asked “Ann, are you alright”. I said “Yes” because I never wanted to be pitied, that would make me feel even worse.
Slowly, I walked in pain as numbness took over. I got to the hostels, sat on my bed and the next minute I could not stand up neither could I turn to take my painkillers. I just lay down but the pain was just too much.
I remember crying so much that night asking God if it was possible, to just cut off my limbs😟. I kept asking God ”WHYYY?” At that point I couldn’t help but identify with Jesus’ cry, “My Lord, my Lord why have you forsaken me?” I also said this prayer “Lord, please take away this cup of suffering from me.” Unfortunately, it was not taken!
My roommate was not around. No one was around. I wanted to take my phone and talk to my parents who were far away, but unfortunately, my hand couldn’t move. Anyway, they were too far away, it would take them hours to come by. Thank God, my classmate came in after while and found me in tears. She asked me what was wrong, I couldn’t talk. I just signalled her where some painkillers were and I took them. She immediately went and asked for the ambulance and the rest is history.
Rheumatoid Arthritis took a toll on me. My room looked like a chemist, but I thank God because all that is behind me.
I’m talking of a lifetime typical flesh failure. I’ve experienced not once, not twice, but I thank God I am a living testimony of His grace. It may be difficult to declare as David did, that despite having flesh and heart failure, still, God was His strength. It’s difficult, it would only take unbelievable faith and belief in God to do so.
People in the Bible went through the same kind of suffering like you and I. Our main verse reflects on David from Psalms 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
We remember Job’s suffering?
Job 19:27 “Whom I will see for myself, and whom my own eyes will behold, and not another. My heart grows faint within me”
Psalm 22:14 “I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It is melted within me.”
Psalm 38:10 “My heart throbs, my strength fails me; And the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me”
Psalm 143:7 “Answer me quickly, O LORD, my spirit fails; Do not hide Your face from me, Or I will become like those who go down to the pit.”
And the list continues…
What is your failure story? Has your heart failed? Has your flesh failed? May we be reminded today that we do not have to depend on our bodies, for they will definitely fail us. God is our strong foundation and our rock on which we can place our complete trust. He is enough! He is our portion in life forever.
Many reassuring verses could encourage us when going through such tough times.
Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer”
Psalm 27:14 “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen you”
Psalm 138:3 “In the day when I cried you answered me, and strengthened me…”
Isaiah 40:29-31 “He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increases their strength…”
Lamentations 3:24 “The LORD is my portion, said my soul; therefore will I hope in him.”
Who do we choose to trust and lean on when we feel like all hope is lost? God alone! I love David’s response in Psalm 23:4 that “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for thou are with me…” He was rest assured that God was with Him. Likewise, let us be rest assured that come what may, God is on our side.
The psalmist here confesses that he WOULD have despaired, but he did NOT! Instead of despairing, He believed.
Psalm 27:13-14 “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD”
Psalm 25:3 “Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed.”
Indeed, the Lord is faithful and he promises that we will not be ashamed when we wait upon Him. He is merciful, so let’s call upon Him and He will answer. We will surely see the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living.
Lastly 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 says “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
My prayer for you today:
May God’s grace be sufficient for you for his POWER is made perfect in your weaknesses and in your difficulties. If a thorn is pricking you, remember, His grace is sufficient and we are strong in Him alone. You will come out VICTORIOUS💪